My former life was in the fitness realm, and one of the things I would constantly preach to people is that anything that requires progress takes two things. Consistency and – you guessed it – practice.
Often I use the analogy of trying something new. Odds are when you first got into a swimming pool, hopped on a bike or even picked up a musical instrument, you weren’t any good at it. Your nervous system didn’t know how to bring together the physical movements required in order to do the thing. Or at the very least, not do it well. Even the top performers at any physical event will tell you it takes years of consistent practice, if not decades.
The funny thing about mental health is that it actually requires the same thing in order to have positive change. Most of us have internal programming that is automatic. There are things we are good at. This can be things like avoiding hard subjects. Possibly we have adverse reactions to social situations. Maybe we have an addictive response.
When it comes to your brain, programming is part of your makeup, and it can be from a combination of nurture (how you were raised and what you were exposed to) and nature (genetic predisposition, which has been proven to be highly prevalent in things like addiction and other mental conditions like ADHD and OCD).
The good news is, these are things you can work on – so you can actually practice improving them.
Step number one I tell my clients is to recognize patterns. For example, you may have an automatic thought that happens when you are in a situation. “I’m so dumb” or “I’m not good enough” are typical examples. Being aware that you do this automatically is key in order to adjust the behavior. But again, it requires – you guessed it – practice. So eliminating the situation actually doesn’t help. Experiencing it over again with an analytical lens does. When you apply a new thought pattern, your brain learns, and then when it is repeated you reprogram the automatic thought.
An example would be “I’m a bad father.” I always ask my clients in those moments to ask a simple question – is there any proof of that? 99% of the time the answer is NO. So you can rephrase that to mean I’m a good father instead. Repetition yields a new result, just like when you finally get used to something like a breast stroke in a pool.
For people with OCD we often use something called exposure therapy, where they are exposed to (much) lower levels of whatever they are afraid or concerned about. Again, this is a consistent thing that requires application on a daily or weekly basis in order to improve. ADHD can be the same thing – where you get put into a situation that requires a new thought pattern or breaking an old one so that you can relearn how to react in the moment.
I also tell clients that this doesn’t happen overnight. Just like if you were taking up jogging, you don’t sign up for a marathon right away. You start with jogging around the block, then maybe a local 5k a few months later, and within 2-3 years you’re at marathon level. Your brain is a muscle just like any other, and it requires time, consistency and practice in order to change in a permanent way.
So if you’re worried that you can never change, don’t despair. All it takes is the right application, and then give yourself the patience to practice and get consistent with it and everything will adjust in a more positive manner. And the good news is, if life gets in the way for a while and you can’t practice, at last you have the skills to pick up where you left off when you have a chance to begin again.
Just like any part of life, in order to improve, it takes time. Give yourself a chance to change and make sure you’re doing it with proper practices in place.
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